never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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