I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
