I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
