I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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