i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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