bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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