the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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