Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
