absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My hand turned me down
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
