I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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