I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
