she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
