Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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