: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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