when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
