I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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