Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
