Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
