It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
