I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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