It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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