dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
