That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
