There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
