Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
