Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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