I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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