Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
