I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
