She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
