I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
