we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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