I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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