hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
