i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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