Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
