Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
