I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
