I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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