you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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