does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
