I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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