i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His nipple licking is glorious
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