she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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