billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
