apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
