Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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