I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
