Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
