Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
