I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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