You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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